Creativity

There is something very right about writing on a pad of paper with a pen. It is almost like my hand is waltzing with the writing utensil during his core of cleaning up this blank piece of paper. It is intentional. It is cathartic. The ink flows out of the pen onto the paper exactly where it is supposed to. Creativity is much the same. It is as simple as breathing or eating. It is just living the life we are supposed to live. It isn’t always easy, but it can’t be coerced. It is flawless, but it isn’t always pretty. There is a transition, however, not everyone was meant to take. With much time and dedication, creativity can become inspirational. People can make mundane tasks extraordinary. This is a call to find you creativity. Dream and be honest with you dreams. Create beauty around you with the intention of creating beauty. Allow yourself to be inspired. Pray, mediate and allow God to revive your soul.

However

More than a month ago God spoke to me. I do not use that term lightly. I wrote down what I felt would dictate the next season of my life. It was a prophecy whispered into my ear. God was warning me of oncoming change, and I wasn’t too sure what to think of it. My condition at the time was decent; finances, family and work were alright but not the best. I sent this message to a few people to get their opinion, but I didn’t see a ton of response from it. It was difficult for me to write and send, but I did get the prayer and support from the people I expected. Then it happened. My foundation was shaken. Every relationship in my life became complex. Anxiety gripped me in a very tangible way. I reached out for some I felt could help, but distance was made instead. I felt like I was drowning and the few people attempting to pull me out of my situation wasn’t enough. I took time off work because I was physically ill. I slept for hours or sat in my room in the dark. My situation because so unbearable that I shut off everybody for a day or so and did not leave my cave of disappear. This really happened to me. The only voice I heard was my own and a couple others. Everywhere I turned situations were closing in on me. Frustration, Anxiety, Failure, Disappointment, Inability and Destruction were my friends. However, I did not completely let go of the couple voices in my life. My mother and Ashley voiced their concern, and I listened. I sought help from a source who I knew could help . . . medication! I went to my doctor for help, and the man turned me down! He referred me to a therapist who was booked until the middle of December! I didn’t know where to turn. I found someone who had an opening but was not covered under my health insurance but at this point I was not thinking clearly. I drove down the street fueled by anxiety and fear of destruction. The still small voice whispered, “Insurance!!!!” I called my insurance company to see who was covered in the area, they listed a few names and numbers, and I left 3 voicemails before speaking with a person. They were not seeing any new clients! They did say, however, there was an opening for one of the associates the next day. My life was starting to change course.

When I was in a rush, I did not ask myself to research their approach or where they studies. I will say God dictated my steps. Diagnosis . . . not crazy! I didn’t understand until a month later the true extent of those words. She indirectly helped me witness the miracle God has been performing in my life this whole time. Cures and safeguards were set into place through periods of my life that I didn’t initiate. With the aid of a few relaxation techniques and (what I use now as) prayer techniques, my life was uncovered by the thick wet blanket of fear and anxiety. Colors were brighter. Smells were smellier. I could think clearly. I could dream! I started to embark on the next journey of my life with the God-given ability to dream and be full of hope.

Situations like these squash people’s dreams. I pray for those folks who did not respond or respond well to me when I told them what God has spoken to me. I am more than okay now, but I request for all of you to be sensitive to these moments. God wants us to transform good intention into good action when our friend is struggling. I have failed in this area before, but I am much more sensitive to this now. I challenge you to search out these people when the warning signs are out there. Not everyone is as fortunate as I was to have close family to act as God’s hands and reach out to them. I pray all of you are able to dream and be full of hope.

Grace and Peace,
Josh

By the way, my creative juices have been geared intensely behind one big initiative. Expect more word on this soon.

Don’t Stop Believing!

Don’t Stop Believing

Thanksgiving was amazing, but it prevented me from starting my new direction of posts. This first one is a simple introduction and a video. I am going to share what I have been struggling with in view of dreams and where this fits with view of self, others, life and God. God wants us to dream of where we will be in the next few years and supports us with telling us when we quiet ourselves and listen to our hearts and souls whispering to us our true desires. If we are not sensitive to these dreams we will not be whole. If you have any input or perspective on this stuff put a comment in this post. I am looking to write more on Saturday and the coming weeks on the subject of dreaming.

Pay Intention

I have recently resolved to keep this thing updated regularly with bits and things I think of and are wrestling with in my life. Let me spend this initial post to explain one of the few facets of my life I find near and dear. Intention.

I strive to live an intentional life. Most of it I haven’t had the capacity to reach out and do much for others. I am not talking about selling all I have and feeding the homeless, but I am referring to simpler acts. Ask that person how they are doing whom you have been thinking about. Buy that coworker lunch that you have been “promising” to do so.  Wake up earlier and go on that jog you have been wanting to. Compliment that person’s outfit you are thinking about (even a couple days after the fact). Speak to that relative who you haven’t because of one issue or another. This week, do something intentional. Start small then next week do two of those. The next week try to do something every other day. Eventually make this a habit. There are many injustices done to many every day, and you can make a difference by just recognizing the person next to you. Seriously. Look at them. Give them the “what’s up” head nod.

Let’s begin to intentionally do those things we always have the passing thought to do. I am starting with this blog. I want to intentionally share some form of encouragement and challenge that take a moment to hear my voice. Spread the word and share some ideas with me. I would love to hear some feedback and start some good conversation.

Peace,

Josh

The Journey

Journey

I’ve gone down many paths of thought over the past few years of my life. I have spent this time in my life exploring and finding who I am and who God wants me to be. In these moments I have found true peace, frustration, encouragement, desperation, happiness, sorry, want and need.

There was a man who stood up in front of this massive crowd. He looked to these faces, some familiar and some not so familiar, and laid out life the simplest way he knew how. He talked about that moment when someone comes of age and wakes up to the cold reality around them. People are overcome with doubt and overwhelmed to the point where they struggle to find the strength to breath. Some will stay in this place; some will search for comfort. Those searching for comfort will find it. Comfort will cause them to see this reality and deal with it in a way that is not completely based on what their parents have done or what they were taught as a child. They will find strength outside themselves and be appreciative. They will then look around and see people fighting the same fight they found themselves in. They will notice the injustice around them. The man said in a separate step they will be moved to action and direct those suffering around them to comfort. Those suffering will notice the pure love and intention of those helping them and will find their comfort in those people. This cycle of love will continue to grow larger and stronger than the capacity of any man to manage. They will be bonded by love and peace. Critical people will come along and demolish this beautiful thing that has been created, but those within the community will be blessed despite what obstacles come their way. The persecution instead will be yet another sign this community is going in the right direction and will strengthen even more. Life is not perfect. Struggle and hard times are bound to come. When your angry, when you spouse cheats on you, when you have to separate yourself from them and when you have been hurt to your breaking point you will find the strength to live a life of peace and  show your enemies love while still be considered to have an upright demeanor. When you think you have nothing else to give you will still find there is more available than you need. You will recognize when there is an issue in your life and seek more comfort when you need it. You will eventually not even place your value on currency or nice things. Instead you will find your valuable currency is love. When you build your foundation on these things, you are ushering in change into a broken, imperfect world.

The man was Jesus. The story was the Sermon on the Mount. This is a rough paraphrase, but take a look at Matthew 5 and view it in sections. Jesus first explains what happens in a life that is called to change. The rest is practical application of what this change looks like. This is not the only perspective of these texts, but search this out and enjoy the journey. Allow God to show you what a balanced life somehow relying on Him looks like. I can’t tell you. You must seek it out. I pray today you take the time to reflect on this passage and ask God to reveal areas in your life for you to rely on him and his people more. Don’t forget there are folks out there who love and adore you. Their name is the Church (sometimes the local body, but also your close friends and family is more of a church than your local body, still go to church people).

Peace,
Josh

What can I say, I’m in love!

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world – the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does – comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever

1 John 2:15-17

I see this thought laid out in scripture time and time again in reference to Christians; This idea that we are aliens or sojourners or not from this world. In my mind I have contorted this statement until it is mixed with other phrases like I am a part of a chosen people and how I should live by higher moral standards than those around me. Then I hear messages of how I should not allow voices of those who are not Christians to affect my view. Next I hear of how I should listen to the view of even Christian liberals affect my worldview. Next thing I know I am looking Jesus in the face and not saying a word when he asks if he should save this crippled man’s life on a day I see as holier than the rest of the week and he looks at me with grief and frustration (Mark 3 for those who care to read). The thought that I should not love the world or anything in it has been skewed so much in my life to where I no longer understand how it affects my view of those around me who are not “of God”. I must escape and silence, for just a moment, the voices of those believers around me to hear what I feel are God’s intent behind shifting the root of my love from personal gain to the unconditional care and contentment He has to offer.

“Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.”

Intention. Think of a man who was raised in a far off third world country. He cooks with many spices because his culture knows these things will kill a number of diseases that would potentially harm them. When he comes stateside where we possess the cooking standards and food processes to keep us safe, we use seasoning for a different intent, for flavor. What you see are two people with upbringing doing the same action with different intent. In bringing this back to the Bible (where so many people solely find their insight) view 1 Peter this way. Christians are described as aliens and strangers in the world. Maybe our actions are similar to those around us with a different upbringing, but the intent is what truly sets us apart from those around us. What is the proper intent? According to this scripture and countless fairy tales and TV sitcoms, our intent should not be greed and acquiring all the physical wealth we can muster. It should not be popularity or social acceptance.

“For everything in the world – the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does – comes not from the Father but from the world.”

I can start to see it now. It is like I am slowly opening my eyes after waking up in a well lit room. Nothingness turns into coarse silhouettes. Maybe we have been saying the same thing all along with different intent. Why is it society views sluts, drug dealers, alcoholics and Uncle Scrooge (pre ghost of Christmas Future) as social deviants? I honestly don’t care (insert confused laugh and head shake here). What I do care is why I chose not to take advantage of girls, get rich off other’s weaknesses, stay away from things I would be addicted to and strongly dependant of and hoard up all my money just so I can say I have enough to purchase a small country. This love for people is based off an unconditional care for humanity. It is not based off popularity or else I would be wearing a pair of TOMS shoes (not offense TOMS supporters, keep it up) or be funding other very popular organizations loud and proud before the masses.

“The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.”

Love is the fuel that powers me from day to day. It is the blood supplying necessary nutrients to my mind, hands, feet and various digestive organs (even my pooper). The muscle pulsing love through my veins is God. God is the one thing that has outlasted every popular charity, popular theology and funny joke. Lives lived in pursuit of this love are retold though eternity with the same pure intent behind the original owner of the story. Love just to love. Share just to share. Give just to give. Live just to live. Freedom from the things that fade away or violently kill you in the end is central to the message of God as well as viewing life from a perspective that is much grander than your own. I am not nice to people even so one day they will eventually be Christian; I am nice to people because I am suppose to be nice to people. God is at the heart of that. God is what sustains that when I am too ill or don’t understand why I do not have enough money to eat or am full of conflict and hatred.

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world – the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does – comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever

Peace,

Remembering the Essentials: Fruit

Remembering the Essentials: Fruit

When one thinks of fruit, grapes might come to mind, grapes, apples, citrus and maybe tomatoes. Fruit is planted, grows from fertile ground and is consumed hopefully before it rots.

I woke up one morning and thought to myself, “I want to be successful today.” This is not my typical strain of thought. The circular prayer started swirling in my mind, “Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” I breathe in and out with the on every breath. The original thought continued to develop; I wanted definition to these mantras. My mind quickly went to the essentials of the Christian life.

The essentials are these: love, joy, peace, patience, morally excellent and gentle demeanor, good virtue, and the faith in the salvation and changing of our hearts to accomplish these things (Galatians 5:22 for all you inquisitive folk). These are choices made every day. I’m starting to think the allusion of fruit may have equally intended to indicate the process by which they are consumed than the process by which we present these qualities in the lives. The “fruit” is not made by me, but it is made by God. It is planted by pure action and intent into the receptive, fertile heart of those consuming the fruit. I have the choice to take these and allow them to nourish me. In doing this, they grow in my life and actions, and God produces more fruit for people in my influence to partake and continue the cycle. If the fruit is not shown to the world and consumed, it dies and falls to the ground. Although this is not the worst possible scenario, fruit is made for the picking in order to nourish those around.

Today, choose to partake of this fruit. Choose to partake of the fruit of love or peace or whatever and spread hope by doing so. Continue the cycle started by Jesus and live a truly successful day.

Grace and Peace,

Oh Saint Augustine

Oh Saint Augustine!

The man was certifiably insane. He didn’t have the best translations of the Bible we have today (that’s right, he predates Good King James. . . snicker, snicker). His texts are riddled with anti-status quo political mumbo jumbo. He was also a precious little saint! Whether you love him or hate him, Saint Augustine had a ton of cool things to say.

There was a thought I came across while reading St Augustine that solidified something ringing in my heart for the past few years. Like sucks. Bad things happen. The idea of bad things only happen to bad people isn’t biblical or true. We as followers of Christ have the unique chance to view negative circumstances through God’s perspective (the idea of grace). Let me give you an example and resolution.

A few years ago I was in an accident. One morning I had a deep desire to do some sort of physical activity. I decided to go on a bicycle ride for the first time in a few months. I joyfully jumped on my bike and jet down the road. The wind was blowing fiercely though my thick black hair as I coasted downhill at the quickest speeds gravity would allow me. It was poetic. My plan was to head to the main road in the vast metropolis of Marianna, FL (zinger!), but there was an obstacle in my way. There was an especially high curb between the road and the sidewalk. Being the intelligent person I was, I practiced “popping” my front tire to the approximate height of this said curb. I passed this test with “flying” colors (pun intended) and rapidly increased speed approaching the wrenched hump. Things did not go as practiced. I hit the curb and flew over the handles breaking both bones in right arm between my elbow and wrist; I looked like I had two elbows. It was pretty intense. I didn’t have medical insurance at the time. Between the ambulance ride, the two hospitals, the anesthesiologist, the radiologist and the orthopedic surgeon, the bill was about $20,000 deep. Hello reality! There were a ton of miracles, but this bill did not simply disappear. It was unfair. I was a good guy. Why did this happen?

The bill and the healing did not work out how I wanted them resolved, but I “gave the issue up to God” (I hate using the term, but following is an example of what it actually means). Instead of getting frustrated or mad at the issues, I slowly gained excitement. I got the unique chance to settle out this issue in whole and using the resources God had given me up to that point. I made some good choices after the fact, and I made some bad ones (and still make bad ones, God help me).

Not all life’s issues simply disappear. Those without the option of viewing disappointment through God’s perspective are upset, irate, and lose sleep. I learned to lose sleep over issues like that. “Giving the issue to God” can simply be defined as removing yourself from the problem and viewing it from His perspective. Life’s not perfect, but God is. Sometimes things happen that don’t even have some sort of lesson to be learned, but there is no use worrying about them. Sometimes you have to pick the bad over the worst options. Mistakes have their repercussions you might have to live with the rest of your life. Remember that a thorn in your side might be the thing that spurs you to change much deeper issues.

Oh St Augustine. You were a crazy man, but you were pretty stinking witty.

Grace and Peace,
Josh

PO’d at the PO

PO’d at the PO

I am a huge fan of film. I finally made the logical choice and subscribed to Netflix. I never would have predicted it would be a test of my patience and cool manner.

Initially I had to deal with the hundreds and thousands of options online. Which film would be my first from the enormous treasure chest now open before me? I knew exactly which one! “I am trying to break your heart” was a documentary about a band I recently started listening to, Wilco. I added over 50 titles not soon after the first movie was in my queue. I determined I struck pay dirt, but there would be more obstacles in the way. The first couple movies took time for them to arrive in my mailbox. When I finally got the films and watched them, I took the next logical step and deposited the items in the mailbox in which they came. Two days I was denied by my infernal Post Office delivery man. Two days those movies sat in my mailbox. TWO DAYS! Had this mysterious man not heard of the miracle of Netflix? Was he not aware of the plethora of genres they had to offer?

I reluctantly took the movies to work and walked them – that’s right, walked them – over to the school postal receptacle and physically dropped them to be taken at 5 pm to the post office. I know the pickup box was like 20 steps from the administration building, but it was the corrupted joy and convenience of the Netflix concept that was at stake. I now had to walk to a mail drop-off. Why not sign up for one of those infernal red-box machines or continue my unnamed rental memberships?

This past Monday I was too ill to go into work and finally went to a walk-in clinic on the south side of town. After my trip to the pharmacy, I happen to arrive at just the time the mentioned post officer was delivering the mail and denying me the complete online movie renting experience. It was on! I could not pass up this chance (despite my ill temperament and lack of coherent thought due to the euphoric medications). I walked up to the gentleman and introduced myself offering him the peace offering of a handshake. We discussed the neighborhood, he asked a few questions about the residence and I slapped him upside is silly little head. I didn’t do the last thing, but I did ask him about the Netflix conundrum. He led me down a very complicated means to indicating which mail was outbound and which mail was just left from the previous day. He also informed me it was not him delivering the mail last week. I accepted his excuses and forgave him of the first infraction.

Although I have yet to actually take him up on the compromise, I am very excited to fully enjoy living up this new relationship I have with the PO. I treat him right, and he handles my rented movies the way God intended. Who could ask for more?

Grace and Peace,
Josh

Deep thoughts and friendships

I debated posting this one.

Last night I went to a little seminar on purity and appreciated it. My views have changed A LOT over the past few years in regards to dealing with the issue of accountability; even though I did not agree with everything I saw and heard I had a grand appreciation for the passion of the speaker. Here is a father who loves his daughters actively going out and teaching the lessons he has experienced over the years raising those children. I feel like the solutions he mentioned, however, only deal with the minor issues. They were incredible points that were deeply contemplative and proven to be useful over the course of his counsel of several gentlemen, but I feel like there was much more to be considered to fix an issue much deeper than just the issue of sexual purity. I believe if you establish close relationships then people would be able to cope with a number of personal struggles.

Over the past few years I have made a couple very deep friendships. These were both guys who I had been hanging around quite a bit and held a few things in common, but something happened to bring these guys closer. I began to tell them about my struggles. The first guy was more difficult to get closer to because I had this wall up that nobody had ever been past in the former 16 years of my existence. I always felt like there was not a person good enough to understand the crazy thoughts running through my head. I was truly alone in my mind. I laid my pride aside and let someone in. We have been good friends ever since. We have stood the test of distance and time.

The other guy was under a bit different circumstances. A few years had passed since the last friendship had been going, but I felt a close connection to this other guy. One day he called me about an issue he was struggling through, and I dropped everything I was doing and thinking and prayed with him over the phone. A bit later I decided I would pray for him every day for the next year. To me (of all people) this sounded a bit hokey. I have since found a deep respect for spiritual discipline; it is no longer a mindless ritual but now a moment of appreciation and respect for the divine’s influence upon the change of direction of my heart. I didn’t make it the entire year without missing a day; I did, however, grow closer and closer to this guy in a time when I desperately needed a brother to help me along life. The two of us have been closer ever since. To this day I will drop my typical practice (and I do say ‘practice’ for a reason) of not allowing my cell phone interrupt quality time with other friends to come to his aid.

I experienced this same closeness with my dad. I still remember the positioning of the couches one Saturday afternoon in our living room in Marianna. My heart was broken. I didn’t know what to expect. It was time. I let my pride down and talked to my dad about my personal struggles. Since that moment he has been a source of great advice in personal, financial and work issues (in fact he called me just today to make sure things were going well). That initial moment solidified our relationship as father and son.

Since those moments in my life, these men have been a source of conviction when I was far and distant from true reality. They have called me back into line using the language of love and prayer. I would credit God’s adjustment in their lives and their openness to that adjustment as the source of my current sanity. They have helped me wrestle through addictions, relational issues, biblical thought and depression. We are family. We are the family mentioned in the Bible labeled “the church.” I urge you to find people around you to share your life with. Be careful and mindful when finding the right person; an unguarded heart is easily broken. It is all worth it, however, when you find just the right folks.

Eat together. Pray together. Laugh together. Cry together. Grow together.

Grace and Peace,
Josh